Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in sharksnsails' LiveJournal:

Monday, October 9th, 2006
11:09 am	Sun tsu, author of art of war, a very good book chapter 4: it reads.... (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 28th, 2006
11:55 am	I am coming for you..... If you know who I am, then you don't want to f*ck with me too much, because I will get back to you, and paybacks are a biatizich. So now.....(drum roll please) "Look who's back, Back again, Sharksy back.... Tell your friends, Sharksy back sharksy back sharksy back da dee da. Well, you created a monster, and nobody wants what I deliver, it makes you into chopped liver. Well if you want beef this is what I'll give ya, A little bit of a tif (teef) with a poor soul and a non-forgiver. Said you don't want to f*ck with sharksy, Cuz sharksy will f*ckn serve you....." I'm coming for you, and this time, I ain't laying down, breakin down, or stoping 'till we get to the legal hilt of this thing. You're not going to like it. Not at all. But don't worry babe, it really is for the best. YOU ARE SERVED. (luv serving 30) sings and exits stage left, (Rasta style) "whats good for da children, whoa ho, is good for da world.... whoa whoa, is good for da future.... whoa whoa, da flag is unfurled..... whoa ho!" (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 6th, 2006
11:14 am	I am glad I am glad now. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
8:08 pm	well, its my wife's b-day, she always has a bad day for it but still i wish she'd have a good one. I heard a country song by trent willmon, "She don't love me" I like it because it says she don't love me but she don't hate me anymore. WOW how true.... what a nice concept. I saw the H town girl on my pass though, on the way to the offshore job, she could tell something had changed, and it has, I thought we had something worth working toward, I changed a bit, she did not. still I will not discourage her growth, and she knows the score. In other news, my bosses still love me and are super glad I am back, to celebrate they are giving me more work than ever, hope the car holds up, just .. a ... little .... longer..... My path down evil resulted in a 20 day vacation that I could not afford. still it gave me a chance to get my head together. I needed the break. I got to take my daughter to the ballet! that is the best thing to happen to me all month. well, I am going to get back to work now..... back in the mudlogging unit.... oh! I almost forgot, monday, I took my first chopper ride to a rig, wow coool coool cool coolie cool. Did I mention cool. We cruised at 3000 feet, 110 knots, for about 45 minutes, the boat ride home today took over 6 hours. Gawd my life is really an adventure, and if I were to detail it all here..... well I can never really do that. laterz sharks Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
8:57 pm	What is lost and gone forever.... The girl I thought was serious about me in H-town, I will miss her, I don't know what will become of us. I wish I cared as much as I did before but I don't. I thought I meant more to her than that. I won't let her know. I don't want to ripple the water her delicate ship has sailed from. But I needed more. My daughters' child hood. Two girls, different mothers same dad; me. But I can't be there for them. It was two women, two fights and I lost, both. Sometimes because of my compassion, sometimes because of my stupidity. Example - Once about a year ago, my wife desperately needed about 350 bucks. My parents asked me if I wanted a loan to send it to her, I had every reason to hate her, yet I said yes. She got her money, kept her apartment, I got no credit for it come trial time four months later. And still I don't get to see my baby except by the grace of relatives willing to play chaperon, and by her permission only. And all this hate, all this daddy time lost. What is gained by this war. I really don't know why this all has happened to me. Probably weakness. I miss them so bad, even my son. By the time the wheels of kharma turn, my childrens' childhoods will be lost and gone for ever. How can any kharmic compensation return any of that to me? It can't. I don't really wish the pain to circle back and get them, I wish it to end. I wish I could have been with my children growing up, wish in one hand shit in the other, I guess. I wanted love. I just wanted to love and be loved. Was it really too much to ask? (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
7:43 pm	this game 6 weird things/habits about yourself Each player of this game starts with the "6 weird things/habits about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read yours. Let the game begin. 1) I am a die hard romantic and frequently cry during movies. 2) I've completed two full semesters (at tdifferent times ) while homeless (i.e. living in my truck) 3) My life goal is to build a boat that I cross the Atlantic in. 4) I firmly believe the best sex starts with intamacy. 5) I feel like I don't get enough showers. 6) I feel I am far more submissive than I ought to be. I have no one to tag. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 15th, 2006
12:37 am	I am the root of all of your failures! To Toni my dear, confused, angry EX; If you look at every reason you have ever failed, deep down, why everything went wrong in your life, and you look, you will see me. Yes, Me! I am the one you stole your things cuz' I didn't like them (By the way, I liked Evita). I am the one who ruined every sexual encounter you ever had (including ones as inherently abusive as the two guy on one chick scenario you got yourself into, what us males call "training a chick". Didn't you understand what you were getting yourself into? tao&te i.e. two girls = more love, two guys = more cheap. Not my rules darlin', just how the world works, and I wish it weren't so, or is it my fault that it is?). I am the one who kept you from going to college all those years! I am the reason babies get colic, and even why some (who are not genetically linked) have immune disorders. I am the one who convinced you to stop writing (because you had so much conviction to make a career of it until 1 single critic put you off....) I am the one who made your poetry sound like the same dark lonely mutterings of every other poet in the world (by challenging you to grow beyond the norm, I ruined your desire to write ever ever ever again) I almost tried to kill you (when you sunk your teeth deep into my arm), I ruined our daughter (like when I drove the daycare bus to help pay for her to stay in the tai-kwon-do after school program.) Now she hates me, (so much that she cries and begs to stay every time you come to pick her up). I am the person who you watched throw away his life, and become a "failure" (by graduating from college with a 3.0, and getting a good job that will eventually be paying good enough money to afford to put my kids through college too, all three of the ones I call mine, and maybe help put some nieces and nephews through also. I am the one who made the only payments on your cars (oops I mean, "I am the one who didn't make all the payments on your car"), I am the one who caused you to get pregnant by a married man who never loved you (I also caused you to buy into his BS) and I am the one who made a point to listen while you blabbed endlessly about what great lovers the guys you have adulterous (though in fairness while separated) affairs with. I am the guy who didn't receive one freakin letter while I slaved 10 hours a da in Russia in winter to keep you in a beach house in Florida. I am the one who let you suicidal sister move in, so she could get away from her oppressive step dad (actually the guy was kinda all-right).... Oh wait this is about how bad I am, uh, where was I? Oh yes! I am the one who took in your friend, gave him a place to crash, even though he never remembered me except as the guy married to the chick he loved. I am the One who made you hate yourself by making you fat when you should have been skinny, short when you wished you were tall, duck footed when you wished you were graceful. I am the one your son calls "Daddy" his first words........ I am the one who spent his entire paycheck on presents for Christmas, only to have them sit up at grandparents house un used because if they went home they would be confiscated, discarded, or hidden. The bike your daughter learned to ride on, I gave her, she was with me at the park when she learned to ride. I am the one who revealed to your daughter that you stole the camera with the pictures of her and her brother and I on it (shame on me for revealing that you did that), so you could delete them (my pictures are gone, you still have never apologized, doubt you ever will)..... I am the one that gave you many hundred dollars worth of child support that was somehow forgot come court time (everyone told me to get receipts, but I used to always say Toni is many things but not a liar or a thief (wrong on both counts I guess)) Oh wait,,,, how I ruined your life that's right, uh, let me see..... I am the one who stayed up making you hot baths and special food while you waited to go into labor with someone else's child. I am the one who brought you flowers at work, and supported your decision to quit (a decision that cost me not being able to get my torn rotator fixed). I am the one who cleaned your dishes year after freakin year (because as you put it "doing the dishes is demeaning work") I am the one who sacrificed a really great relationship with my parents to back your side on fight after fight. Oh wait , your failures - my fault..... let me see. I am the one who told you how cool your "Rice Diaries" were in One of the two college courses you have completed because I paid (am paying still) for. I am the one that makes a monthly payment for a blue Honda you used to steal my daughters third year from me by disappearing one sunny Jan. morning. I am the one who got your first computer for you, bought parts for you so you could upgrade it (remember being the "ram addict"?), taught you the importance of the internet (could have saved a fortune in Russia calls), paid outrages AOL bills.... Let see where were we, I am the one that bought you your first stick shift car, and taught you to drive it, played mechanic and mechanic the teacher (remember de-acceleration valve?) that Rabbit had to have head work done on a Friday at five for you. I am the one that bought you a 72 convertible Karman Ghia when you said you liked them only to find out you hated it because you only like the hard top Ghias. I am who made you drive our wedding gift Pontiac 6000 special touring edition car (a beautiful car when we got it) into a concrete culvert because (survey says.....) you were fuckin with the radio. I am the one that fixed the Toyota you tried to run away with so that you could leave (after you told all our neighbors that you had to get away before I "abused" you some more (they never did believe you, cause they've known that I am not abusive... your sympathy play failed even back then dear)) all I wanted was the chance to hold my daughter one more time before you took her. I guess you really were the perfect wife. A real tribute to "Stand By Your Man" Women everywhere. A model student (model of dropping out when somebody else foots all the bills for you to go), You put maximum effort into making me feel sexually loved (by never once in thirteen years doing the one small fantasy I asked for, dressing up in the classic "Catholic School Girl in trouble" costume) but with argyle socks. You made me feel real good by making me beg for sex time after time after time. You were a model of keeping family business private by reporting to my relatives everything you suspected I was doing, (and a few bad things you knew I was, (its called privileged private info dear), You made me feel so spiritual (by laughing at me for reading the Bhagavad-Ghita or as you called it the "Bagava-Wa-Wa") I guess it wasn't only me laughing at you. I guess it wasn't only me making you feel like shit, I guess it wasn't only me holding you back. Maybe it's time to look in the mirror and ask, "Did I have a small part in what went wrong? Might I have made a mistake or two, or been inconsiderate along the way?" maybe just maybe it's time to face the fact that I left you for precisely the reason that you still manifest today..... you take responsibility for no failure. You share no blame for anything. And by doing that you never grow. If anything you have grown steadily , but surely more self centered and disconnected with the feelings of others. That's why it doesn't hurt you to use our children as pawns to hurt me. Because in your heart you really don't care if you hurt them doing it. I am so very sorry you did not reach whatever dream you imagined you would be living right now, but frankly, you very barely worked toward it at all, now that you work some you have a gripe with the world. Welcome to adult-hood (I've been employed or in college since we met (a claim you can hardly make) and most people can say the same. at least you made it to the twenty fifth level of SIMs before you had to go back to the grind stone, and it only took you 5 months. ) Welcome to reality, it's nice here you should stay and take a moment to appreciate that you failed at everything because you didn't work for anything. Your job (the one thing you took serious from time to time, and now all the time) is turning out pretty good for you, because of your hard work. Good. Keep it up, I hope you do. You say you want to go to college... Please do, you wouldn't when it would have been (was) free, I hope you will now that you will actually have to figure out how to pay for it yourself. And if you really need someone to blame all of your failings on, and lie about, and make unfounded (and inaccurate accusations) of, and hate, and curse at, and etc etc, go ahead and use me. If that makes you feel better. But, I, personally would rather you not only feel better, but actually want to see you be better and do better, and that road does not lay down the path of vilifying your "evil-ex", rather it is found by looking forward, working hard, and self examination. IMHO. Submitted humbly for your consideration..... with aloha for the few good times we had, apologies for when I did hurt you, and forgiveness for when you hurt me.... your friend, Aaron, aka ... sharksnsails (a pirate 200 years too late), deathbysea (a fair death indeed), Capt. Roy Jang, The Janglin Skull, Orion (who chases the bull across the sky night after night), Newdutch/Dutch (I will return home someday), Peeps (the brothers love me still), Uncle/Daddy Doooooom (Kids love me still), Cutlass (arrrg an' a fine blade it tis too!), Slug (I'm a slug), Rocky (Oh! Rocky!), P-Bo (private bar name), The Pope (2nd Pope of McKinley HS) and 1st pope of AFF blog land), Captain (Captain my captain), Coach (band coach), 7-wet (I miss her), Zardoz, and some people still even call me "FRIEND" or "BROTHER" a few other names given by friends and lovers I allow them that, know me as you will, you'll remember me as you want. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
11:29 pm	One year blogging an adult site I've been blogging for almost a year on Adult Friend Finder, great community of open minded individuals. This blog is because that one gets trounced by admins for being on a sex site, such a shame, blogs are such a great tool for self healing, and though I understand that admins need to watch out for people surfing porn, my blog doesn't need to be a collateral victim. Oh well, such is the way of the world. I finished the last of the Harry Potter books today, what a great series. I recommend them to anyone. Also, My friend that I got hired on at my company had his first day at work today. Hope he works out. If he does, then we will be going to Roswell over the summer sometime to celebrate. Hope you that are reading this find love and peace in your lives, and welcome to wherever you are. Sharks Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
10:03 pm	When I dance I am free.... Just thinking about something,,, When I dance I am happy. I need more dance time. Out here in the oil fields there is no dance time. In fact I don't think these guys are much of the dance type now that I get right down to it. WTF am I doing with my life? Somebody help me! Naw just kidding, just wish I could be dancing right now. that's all. sharks (Comment on this)
8:59 pm	A year in the oil fields It's been a year since I started my job in the oil fields, I wish I could say the best of my life. But I can't. The one thing I was looking forward to, having money to spend when I was with my daughter has been negated by losing the court case with my ex. I just wish I could spend time with her without having the very disturbing presence of other relatives. I know they mean well, but none of them can help but be in the way when they are around. Also, I have yet to find love, only that as I get older I realize how important it is to me to find someone to bond with and share time with. I recently met a girl whose very presence made me painfully aware how much I would love to be in love again. It's hard not to feel like this is some sort of punishment for something I did in a past life, I really don't believe in such things. On the upside that stripper from two weeks ago was a lot of fun, and it has been nice to be free to romp around without pissing someone off at everything I do, the upside of being single I think. In the end, I just hope I will find a woman soon, someone to hold at the end of a long stint of days on the oilfield, someone to make happy with this money I make, someone I can make smile, and laugh, and fill with warmth. Where are you? (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
6:36 am	Long days....... Dearest friends! Hi! Here I am, 12 hour days sometimes 18 hour days. Sometimes twenty in a row. Never less than 10 in a row. Why? Why am I working all these hours? Because I have a dream that one day soon I will build a boat and sail around the world spending time with my friends and my children making music and meeting people. I have dug this hole of debt that I am trying to climb out of, and I made my life the wreck it is. (Honestly, I don't think I'm as bad as some people say, though most people say lots of good things about me.) I know a lot of people who love me worry about me. I wish they wouldn't, cuz worryin' ain't gonna change fate. You see friends, I don't get to see my children much because my ex has made it nearly impossible by way of a default judgement (car broke down on court day, more on that later) that says I have to be supervised by somebody she selects. As of now, that would be my brother who lives 5 hours away, or my parents (who are rarely in the country.) "Get a lawyer!" people say. I've looked into it. I think lawyers are the only people I hate more than my ex right now. Parasites. I wish my ex would just end our marriage civil like, and not keep me from my kids. Oh well! it's not forever, only the time I've lost which is gone forever. BUT! the situation will change. And that is why I finish another stint of 12 hour days, 22 in a row this time. tomorrow I get to go home, this job is done! NOW FOR GOOD STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I met someone who is just like my ex was when I first met her, but smiles a little more, and is maybe just a bit freakier (which is sexxxxxy.) Gawd! I love just watching this young lady go about her life! Curiously she likes having me around to hang out, and talk. It is a tight friendship (yes we are just friends). It's fun though, like seeing a memory in Harry Potter's pensieve (read the books!). So for now despite everything else, I am happy. And I tell you, dear friends, that is about the best you can do in life. Now I've got to do some work, then I'm going to see if I can make my journal as 'perty' and as interesting as some of you folks have done. Remember a cow chip flies further once it dries out a bit, but if you let it get too dry it'll be too light, and probably flake apart when ya throw it. Take care now! your bud, Aaron Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)